Playdate With The Spiderspawn

The doorbell rings and Tony answers it cautiously. He didn't order pizza, yet at least, and he isn't expecting anyone to come over so who was...He opens the door to see Natasha standing there. Next to her is mini-Clintasha wearing a bright red Mario t-shirt and obnoxiously-neon green pants.

Tony's lips pull back in a scowl. “God, those are obnoxious.”

“Don't be rude, Tony,” Natasha tells him. “Go ahead Maddie.”

When the little girl starts walking in, Tony flings his arms up. “AH! What, what is this? What're you doing? She can't come in here.”

“Maddie's here to play with Peter for a few hours.”

“Steve was supposed to watch them.”

“Yeah...” she admits, nodding.

“Well, he's not here. Somewhat impromptu training with some new SHIELD agents.”

“Okay?” Natasha asks, shaking her head. “So...”

Tony gestures at them. “So, you're not supposed to be here.”

Natasha lets out an exasperated sigh. “You're fully capable of watching them.”

“No. No I can't. I'm busy.”

“Tinkering? Yeah, you're fine, Tony.”

Tony's eyebrows furrow. “I don't know what to do with a baby.”

Maddie's glares up at Tony, saying indignantly, “I'm not a baby! I'm four years old!”

“It's not house broken, it'll pee on the furniture,” Tony insists, ignoring the bright small thing.

Natasha rolls her eyes. “She's not a dog, Tony.”

“I know how to use a toilet,” Maddie tells him, hand on her hip.

“What's with the attitude?” Tony asks incredulous, gesturing at the little girl.

“You do have a knack for bringing out the best in people,” Natasha tells him.

“Where's Peter?” Maddie asks, all sugar and sweetness.

“In his room.” The words are barely out of his mouth when Maddie takes off down the hall. “Wait – no!” he yells after her. He turns to Natasha. “Now, Miss Romanov-”

“It's Barton, now,” Natasha says, cutting him off. “Remember? I got married? You should, you were at my wedding. And I thought I told you to just call me Natasha.”

“Wouldn't be appropriate,” he replies quickly, “as we're business associates.” Changing topics, he asks, “Why're you trusting your most prized possession with me? I'll probably break it – I've no idea how to care for a toddler. Did you bring the manual? No?”

Natasha lets out another sigh. “You have a seven year old.”

“Steve did most of the work until it was potty trained. I just dealt with potentially fatal entertainment and bath time.”

“You'll be fine,” she tells him, patting him on the shoulder lightly.

“I hope you got an extended warranty.”

“I'll be back at 4:30,” she says just before closing the door behind her.

Tony just stands there in the hallway and stares at the door for a while, finally moving when he hears Maddie and Peter come out into the living room.

“We're going to play Mario Party, Dad,” Peter says as he turns on the Wii and TV. “Want to play with us?”

“Naw, it wouldn't be fair since I am the reigning champ.”

Peter's eyebrows come down, and he looks up in thought, his eyes squinting. “But I beat you last time.”

“I let you win.”

“Pops beat you the time before that,” Peter continues.

“That was just a fluke,” Tony says, waving it off.

“And before that-”

“You just never stop do you?”

Peter's grinning broadly as he plops on the couch with two controllers.

“Can I have something to drink, please?” Maddie asks Tony politely.

Tony shakes his head. “Sorry, can't have you leaving puddles on the floor – just had it cleaned it yesterday.”

“I told you. I can use the bathroom,” she tells him defiantly.

“Do you still wet the bed?” Tony asks, crossing his arms.

Maddie puts her hand on her hip, her expression pure defiance. “No. Do you?”

“Rude. You really do take after your mother.”

“Thank you,” she says in her little voice, a broad smile on her face.

“It wasn't really-”

Peter interrupts him. “Dad, just go get her a drink.”

Tony mumbles to himself in annoyance as he makes his way to the kitchen.

“Don't mind him,” Peter tells Maddie, “he's always grumpy before his nap.”

“Hey,” Tony yells from across the house, “who taught you to sass like that?”

“You,” Peter answers.

“Good.”

When Tony comes back with a cup of juice for Maddie, he tells her, “You break it you bought it – don't spill on the upholstery.”

Maddie's little face scrunches up in consternation. “The what?”

“The couch,” Peter answers her as the game starts.

“Oh. Okay. Thank you, Mr. Iron Man.”

Tony puffs up a little at the title. “You're welcome, Spider Spawn.”

“Dad, no name calling,” Peter scolds, rolling his eyes.

Tony ignores his son. “I bet 3 gummy bears each that neither of you can get the star in the next 10 minutes.”

“Deal.”

“You're on!” Maddie shouts excitedly.

Thirty minutes later and Tony's out 2 scoops of ice cream on waffle cones for each of the “devil spawn” (“What did I say about name calling?!” Peter admonishes).

“So,” Tony says, letting out a sign as he leans far back into the couch. “What do we do now?”

“Can we go outside?” Peter asks.

Maddie immediately jumps up. “Yeah! I wanna go to the park!”

“But it's hot out there,” Tony whines. He gets two times the puppy eyes. “You guys are too good at that,” he says, pinching the bridge of his nose.

 ______________________________________________________________

Natasha comes to pick Maddie up a few hours later, 4:30PM on the dot.

“Punctual, as always,” Tony comments as he opens the door to let her in.

“Why're you wet?” she asks.

Maddie runs up then, crying out, “Mama!”

“Moye solnyshko!” Natasha picks her up in a big hug. “Why're you wet?”

“We were playing in the backyard,” Tony tells her.

Natasha looks at him incredulously. “You live on the 21^st floor,” she says, matter-of-factly.

“We took a dip in the pool.”

“You don't have a pool.”

Tony shrugs. “Had one installed on the 27^th floor.”

“We went to the park!” Maddie interrupted enthusiastically.

Tony lets out a frustrated grumble. “I thought we were going to stick to the plan. Remember that complicated and elaborate plan we came up with just before your mom got here? The one where we- No, of course you don't remember. Forget it. That's the last time I'm doing a co-op with you.”

“Still doesn't explain why you're both wet.” Natasha says.

“Oh, we're not the only ones – Peter's pretty soaked, too.”

Natasha just rolls her eyes.

“We wanted to go outside, but Mr. Iron Man said it was too hot, so we went to the park with super soaker guns!” Maddie says, finally spilling the beans under all that pressure. Traitor.

“We compromised. You been training her? She's a pretty good shot.”

Steve comes in through the door just then. “I'm home!” he calls out. Peter runs over, shirtless and still dripping. “Hey, there's my big man!” Peter runs to give him a hug, but Tony steps in front of the kid.

“He was talking about me.” Peter laughs and rolls his eyes as Tony leans in to give Steve a quick kiss. “Welcome home, handsome.”

“Why're you guys all wet?” Steve asks as he picks Peter up in a bear hug.

“Went for a quick swim in our pool,” Tony tells him.

Steve shakes his head in confusion. “When did we get a pool? And why'd you go in your clothes?”

“Today, apparently,” Natasha butted in. “27^th floor.”

“We brought the water guns to the park,” Peter explained.

Tony threw up his hands in surrender as he turns and walks away. “I can't work with any of you people!” he shouts in frustration.