I don't hate people who I feel important to me.
I may sulk,
I may get mad,
But I never hate.
That was not what my parents and Amir taught me.

But when I sulk,
I have my reasons.
It's never because of a whim or hormones going crazy.
There's always a reason.

And maybe it's a hint,
For me to revert to whom I really was.
Before I came here.
That lone wolf.
Who doesn't need anyone to survive.

Maybe that's what I really need.
Maybe it's my destiny to not being able to live in community.
I should just live in a forest alongside the animals.
They won't even care even if I sulk.

Because they too,
exclude me from everything.
So I need to exclude everything also in my life.

drowning

The clock keeps ticking.
She was still bothered by her assignments,
her forgetfulness,
her uncooperative classmates,
and her own unstable emotions.

It's not like she didn't want to be happy,
It's not like she never tried to brush it off,
but feelings are a very complicated and abstract things.
You cannot simply erase it in one time.

Everyone was fast asleep.
It was 4 a.m.
It's not weekend tomorrow,
It's God-forbidden full-frontal packed with classes.
No excuse to escape.
You can't be excused with a heartache-reasoning.
If you can,
everyone in the world will be excused easily from classes.

She was mad,
mostly at herself.
For being such an idiot.
For being such a senile person.
What is she, a 100-year old grandmother?
She barely passed for a 21-year old girl.

But then,
when heartaches attack,
the brain cannot process anything else for her to comprehend.
She blame herself for everything that happened.
She did not want to create trouble.
Not anyone.
That was her mindset.
She was afraid,
afraid of being a nuisance.
But sometimes it hit her,
How come it's okay for everyone else to burden her?
But it doesn't feel okay for her to somehow share the burden with everyone else?
It's not that hard to send S.O.S to your friends, little girl.
So what's stopping you?

"I don't really know myself."

When everything seems hard,
All she can do is hoping to see him again,
Cry shamelessly,
Push herself to the limit,
And start over.
What else can she do?

a pair of hands painstakingly reaching, crying for help, but the victim wasn't trained to send S.O.S  

Berkorban atau Dikorban?

Bersahabat.
Berkawan.

Satu perselisihan mengatakan bahawa lelaki lagi setia kepada sahabat mereka berbanding perempuan.
Aku pernah percaya dengan benda-benda tu dulu.
Tapi sekarang,
bagi aku persahabatan tidak harus mempertikaikan jantina manakah lebih setia kepada temannya.

Tapi satu benda yang aku amat-amat terkilan.
Menggunakan sahabat demi kepentingan diri.
Bila bersahabat,
Mesti ada satu kelompok.
Dalam kelompok itu ada 2-10 sahabat dalamnnya.
Mungkin lebih.
Tapi tu tak bermakna kesemua sahabat dalam lingkaran kelompok itu disukai.
Atau dipercayai sepenuhnya.

Tapi bersahabat kerana ikhlas.
Kerana sayang.
Kerana saling memerlukan.

"Aku tahu aku kekurangan, aku lemah dalam menangani hidupku."
"Aku tak mampu mengawal emosiku".
"Aku perlukan dorongan."
"Aku perlukan bantuan."
"Aku perlukan seseorang untuk aku luahkan isi  hati."

Sahabat,
mereka tahu kekurangan dan kelebihan kita.
Dan mereka menerimanya.

Jadi adakah masih ada maksud sahabat bila kita menggunakan orang yang mempercayai kita untuk dijadikan kambing hitam?
Tak malukah kau menggunakan seseorang yang kau gelar KAWAN sebagai pelindung untuk menyelamatkan diri kau sendiri?

‎12 SIFAT SAHABAT

1 - Jika engkau berbuat bakti kepadanya, ia akan melindungimu.
2 - Jika engkau rapatkan persahabatan dengannya, dia akan membalas baik persahabatan itu.
3 - Jika engkau perlukan pertolongan daripadanya berupa wang dan sebagainya ia akan membantumu.
4 - Jika engkau menghulurkan sesuatu kebaikan kepadanya ia akan menerima dengan baik.
5 - Jika ia mendapat sesuatu kebajikan (bantuan) daripadamu, ia akan menghargai atau menyebut kebaikanu.
6 - Jika ia melihat sesuatu yang tidak baik daripadamu, ia akan menutupnya.
7 - Jika engkau meminta sesuatu bantuan daripadanya, ia akan mengusahakannya.
8 - Jika engkau berdiam diri (kerana malu hendak meminta) ia akan menanyakan kesusahanmu.
9 - Jika datang sesuatu bencana menimpa dirimu, ia akan meringankan kesusahanmu (membuat sesuatu untuk menghilangkan kesusahan itu).
10 - Jika engkau berkata kepadanya, nescaya ia akan membenarkanmu.
11 - Jika engkau merancangkan sesuatu, nescaya ia akan membantumu.
12 - Jika kamu berdua berselisih faham, nescaya ia lebih senang mengalah untuk menjaga kepentingan persahabatan.

Because your height makes me feel insecure,
so I've avoided facing you all these times.

Even though there's no reason to compete,
I've stretched myself taller and acted tough.

But you said you liked me the same,
and sent me your feelings with such tender sounds.

Because you said you liked me,
it seems I too, can like myself.

And I think I'm going to stretch myself taller only when I'm hugging you.

I'm not confuse anymore.

And thank God for that.

The feeling you have when someone is like your other half,

But you're not in love with him.

And so does he.

We're not like lovers,

but more like twins.

I think the reason I've been confused before is because they wanted him to be mine,

But I'm already his.

And he's already mine.

But not in that way.

I don't want this to change.

Ever.

Platina Data

Nino's first movie since 2012!!

Well, I am not his no. 1 fan like my super-duper-extra-fangirl sister, but lately I've been out from stalking the famous 嵐 events and this and that, due to my...err, let's say, other stuff.

he acts as a genius again. in glasses. Nino wears glasses. FRICKIN' GLASSES. and oh, he's a fugitive.

But I haven't seen Aiba-chan's drama "Last Hope" either. So not in the mood for suspense.

Gomen, Aiba-chan. But to see him in doctor's labcoat and that oh-so-serious expression, I think I'm just gonna laugh. Like, we all know Nino is the most childish of them all, but Aiba can make other people laugh even when he didn't mean to. Because of his obliviousness and should I say....stupidity? (sorry Aiba fans)

who knows this super blur guy can be so serious? nyahahah.

I guess I haven't seen MatsuJun's drama either since Bambino. I HATE HATE SUPER HATE HIS STUPID UGLY CURLY HAIR IN HANA YORI DANGO. So I didn't watch that drama.

Sho-chan? Well, the drama about him being bitch-I'm-fabulous-and-have-a-very-sharp-tongue-that-can-cut-through-your-heart-and-guts butler, haven't watch that either. I have the drama though. But of all dramas, Sho being insomniac MC in Quiz Show 2 was totally the best. Because he always gets the cool character, it's good to see his crazy side.

Riida? Well..hahahaha. About Riida then, I am still puzzled about his character in Kagi no Kakatta Heya. So mysterious LOL and even though I thought the audiences will finally know his character well in the end, he just like, vanish into thin air. And that smirk. THAT SMIRK. He reminds me of his coolness in Maou.

who knows who-play-what-character??let's play a game~!

I've been neglecting my obsession for awhile. Due to some inevitable circumstances. Now let's get back in the game, shall we?