She was still bothered by her assignments,
her forgetfulness,
her uncooperative classmates,
and her own unstable emotions.
It's not like she didn't want to be happy,
It's not like she never tried to brush it off,
but feelings are a very complicated and abstract things.
You cannot simply erase it in one time.
Everyone was fast asleep.
It was 4 a.m.
It's not weekend tomorrow,
It's God-forbidden full-frontal packed with classes.
No excuse to escape.
You can't be excused with a heartache-reasoning.
If you can,
everyone in the world will be excused easily from classes.
She was mad,
mostly at herself.
For being such an idiot.
For being such a senile person.
What is she, a 100-year old grandmother?
She barely passed for a 21-year old girl.
But then,
when heartaches attack,
the brain cannot process anything else for her to comprehend.
She blame herself for everything that happened.
She did not want to create trouble.
Not anyone.
That was her mindset.
She was afraid,
afraid of being a nuisance.
But sometimes it hit her,
How come it's okay for everyone else to burden her?
But it doesn't feel okay for her to somehow share the burden with everyone else?
It's not that hard to send S.O.S to your friends, little girl.
So what's stopping you?
"I don't really know myself."
When everything seems hard,
All she can do is hoping to see him again,
Cry shamelessly,
Push herself to the limit,
And start over.
What else can she do?
a pair of hands painstakingly reaching, crying for help, but the victim wasn't trained to send S.O.S
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