Saturday 29 June 2013

It Ain't Easy As It Looks

It was the only escapade.
The only way to ease out the sadness.
How it felt,
I understand it all.
And I was kind of envious.

I ask myself a thousand times,
What the verdict would be,
If I can turn around the time.

The answer was simple,
Idiotic, self-destroying, aggravating,
But simple.

I was an idiot.
Still am.

But this idiot,
Never look at other people anymore.
Because of that simple answer.

How can the same mouth whispered lovely words,
Soothing words,
Heart-melting words,
Can come from a cold heart?
As if we never existed.

As if I never existed.

It was so easy to think,
To get back what you earned by being patient,
But all you wanted was to forget everything?

Why can't I forget THIS?
But everything else was a blur.
Even my high school memories.

"It takes time to heal, to learn to start over"
he said.
They said.

But I know,
I'm stuck.
Sometimes it felt like I was moving on.
But then I realized I was in the same exact spot.

I don't know how much can I take.
The tears.
The loneliness.
The bitterness.

This is too cruel,
even for me.

Thursday 27 June 2013

If I were to issue an order,
With just one word,
you'd be mine,
for eternity.

One Simple Glance Is All It Takes.

Stupid
stupid
stupid
stupid
stupid
stupid, silly, idiotic little girl.

Help me...


Wednesday 26 June 2013

Blood Kin

I know,
I'm sorry...
I shouldn't have borrowed that book from the library.
I shouldn't even look back.
But that book.

It was the start.

The first book I ever read when I came to this godforsaken rundown IPG.
The first Welsh language I ever picked up.
Cariad.

I wished I never used that term on him.
So I can use it to someone who truly deserves it.

my cariad.

I read it again,
And whenever I came across that particular word,
I choked.

I brought this upon myself.
I was looking for a trouble.
What an idiot.

Tuesday 25 June 2013

Up until now
There has no good thing that ever came upon me
I wanted to be optimistic
I wanted to think that there is a rainbow at the end of the heavy,storming rain.

But I am not an optimist.
Nor am I a happy person.
He always said he is scared of my future because of my personality.

But what can I do?
Bitterness held me up as captive for so long
 I am scared that when happiness dwell upon
It goes away as fast as it comes.

Please be gentle, dear fate.

Silly Little Girl

I held up high
Meeting your gaze
Wanting to show you
How much I've changed

Though it hurts to take a step forward
It's scary not to know what is waiting ahead
But I don't want to turn my head back anymore

I still waking up gasping
Mostly dreaming of that dreadful day
When our ties were severed
And I realized I loved more than I should have...

Thursday 20 June 2013

Creepypasta Crew

Let it go, let it go, cut the past,
I've wasted my time blindly doing what you asked.
In all my life, you never found time to see,
That I was so locked in love, time to break free.

I don't mean to be so strange,
But my life just took a change,
Cause' I just found someone special,
And that's really something special,
If you knew me,
Nice to meet you anyway.

You're in a better place, I've heard a thousand times.
And at least a thousand times I've rejoiced for you.
But the reason why I'm broken, the reason why I cry,
Is how long must I wait to be with you.

No one knows what it's like.
To be the bad one.
To be the sad one.
Behind black eyes.

Old memories bring old heartaches all over again.
Just when I think it's over, it starts all over again.
Time doesn't erase the good times we had.
And trying so hard to forget them, only makes me sad.

Just a few old memories.
Slipped in through my door.
Though I thought I had closed it.
 So tightly before.

There is light in every darkness,
There is love in every hate,
So therefore,
There is a heart in every killer.

I've been reading too many fictions on "Jeff The Killer", "Jane The Killer" and "Slenderman" lately. Been obsessed..


Confusion

I was tired.
I hadn't seen so much action in months.

I was a hypocrite.
A walking contradiction.
Both alive and dead, both a leader and nothing like it, both with my friends and occasionally against them, both embracing my feelings and sometimes hating my own guts.

He was the only thing that made sense.
He was the only unchanging thing in my universe.
He was my lodestar.
No matter which way my emotions and circumstances and the impulses of my dead, dying, trying body pulled me,
No matter how many mistakes I made,
He was always true north.
Sometimes I'd side with the dead,
sometimes with the living,
but always  with him.

"As long as I have one leg and an eyeball left, I will always return to you."

My biggest fear is that one day he'll decay enough to tell me the truth- that he hates me for what I did to him.
That he blamed me when I decided to kill him so that he would live.

I just get confused sometimes. Okay, most of the times.
About what to do,
Who to side with.

You're the only thing I'm never confused about.

come back soon, okay? Because I'm breaking down bits by bits without you here.

Wednesday 19 June 2013

Bitterness

Once when everything was in rose-colored happiness,
Expectations,
Hope,
Future,
A desire for a new life.

Then,
When all of them were smashed in a tenuous obstacle,
An ostracizing feeling emerged.

It became a bitterness.
The feeling outgrow everything else.
Nothing matters anymore.
With bodies on the tide washed to and fro,
Shrouded in mist, unknown, within the gloom.

They tried with honour to replace the pain,
But to no avail.

As I paced through the memories,
I was beginning to understand,
That the bitterness held me up in the darkness,
And I played along.

Somehow,
Will this darkness,
This bitterness,
Will one day swallow me whole,
Making a blasphemous act toward everything?

In the midst of tidying things up,
I've come across the old letter.

That one piece of paper.
A proof that you once were mine.
I was scared of reading it all over again.
But I don't want to throw it away.
I'm still that much of a coward.

And all I could do was crying and laughing,
then crying again.

Why is it when I was so determined to leave, the universe won't let me?

Craziness Overload

This is a GIF picture of a rabbit pole-dancing.Your argument is invalid.


Monday 17 June 2013

Steeps

I'll take fragments from the chaos in this world, and using the fountain of wisdom inside of me, will reconstruct them into truth.

Time seems slowing down upon me,
Every step looks tedious.

Somehow when I try to be happy,
It came out wrong.
As if I will hurt someone or myself in the end.

But who am I to judge?

Trying to be elusive, but the malignancy outgrows everything.

Hand-in-Hand

You took half of me when you were gone.








There's nothing holding me here, on Earth, anymore. Nothing else matters.

I'll Be Home!








Yes, They Were In Love.

Since all Domestic Avengers fictions have been all lovey-dovey, this one is a little bit angsty.

Tony mourns for Steve's death.







Maria Elizabeth Stark-Rogers

Their daughter, on the other hand, is obsessed with their parents' love history.