Of The Word L.O.V.E.

I've never have the confidence or need to talk about love.

Maybe because all these times,

I was so fixated on scars,

Hurts,

Darkness,

Depressions.

That I think love finally shies away from me.

That I don't deserve it anymore.

But then,

There are wants,

And needs.

And desperation.

Of Malays

Or Meleis (as I would call them).

I see, hear and read,

Their lips fall into motions when it comes to clarifying their love.

It is so easy to say "I love you"

As if saying "How do you do"

And I think,

The easier the words rolled out from their tongue,

The less it means.

Of "others"

By defining others,

Is they don't live in Malaysia.

I'm not saying my view on the world is large enough,

But at the very least I am aware of it.

They have the inability to be inconspicuous. 

Even when the relationship has exceeded 10 years,

The three words that needed to be said is so difficult.

And when one finally admit to succumb,

It was real.

And I wanted it.

They say actions speak louder than words.

But words left unsaid will leave the trace meaningless.

But it doesn't mean it has to be said frequently.

I am a broken person.

Not so happy.

But calm enough to oblige.

In a world where everything is fiction,

I find solace.

Sometimes a comrade.

Those who suffers like I do.

And that's why I realize why I am attracted to Derek and Will.

They're both broken.

We're broken.

And there are others out there who found their anchor,

Their savior.

I don't wait.

I am far beyond help.

But I still reach out,

Hoping for a grasp of hands.