Clinginess

When people starts to get close,
I drive them away.
I'm scared of the contact,
I'm scared of being open,
I'm scared that they will get too close,
And eventually break down the walls I've been building.

People who are close to me are not normal,
And they are not clingy,
They can survive on their own,
They have other lives,
And I am comfortable with it.

I realize they are not clingy to me,
Simply because they aren't in love with me.
They do love me,
And I them,
But platonically.
We all know we won't live in each other's lives forever,
So we get comfortable of being like this.

I decide for the level of closeness I want to with them,
I love the girls because they accept me,
I love the boys because they knew me,
And they accept for when I want to be alone,
When I drive them away.

I'm thankful for that.

But other than those people,
Others who wants more,
And trying to climb my walls,
I was so scared because they are armed with clinginess.

I am an introvert.
An anti-social.
I socialize when I want to.
But most of the times I hate everything,
Everyone.

The girls leave me be when they see me avert myself,
The boys know when to hang out together and when to leave me alone,
They know when I want to,
I will be the one coming to them.
No need to push the boundary.

When I start to get close to someone,
I was trying to have a level of closeness,
But they always end up wanting more,
And I get mad.
And all sorts of negativity wells up inside of me.

I do not associate with clinginess.
I draw the line of association whenever I get close to people,
But they always trying to cross the line.
And I end up hurting them.

In the end,
I blame the situation,
I blame them,
I blame for what I am.

I have got these kinds of words attacking me from two people in this world and I end up hurting them, leaving them, because I freaked out when they want to climb over my walls and see me for who I really am when all I ever want was to hide her from everyone. Yes, I am not as emotional as normal girls, not as clingy as a normal girlfriend, too independent for my own good, and drive people away when I am scared. I'm sorry for being me.