Paranoia

My sister used to ask me, 
"Why are you so paranoid of Amir getting married?" 

I was stunned by her question. 
But I had thought of it many, many times. 

Amir was the only thing that is constant in my life. 
The only thing that I am sure of in this changing world. 
He is my reassurance. 
The one person I have full confident that will make my existence is real. 
Because he is what I can call half of me. 
One that I am afraid of losing. 

I am scared. 
Shitless. 
Of losing him. 
But I can never approve of what may come.