Because It Hurts

When I was out jogging,
I saw HIM.
I don't want to see him.
Not now, not ever.
He used to be my dream.
Now he's my nightmare.
It's strange how feelings can change.
It can change love to hate, and vice versa.
I've never experienced loving someone I hate,
But I understand the feeling of hating someone I used to love.

Said,Dila,Jai,Saba and Ana's childhood(?)

Well,hari ni letih. Ada ceramah kat Wisma Kuala Terengganu and we got back to hostel at 4 pm. Then dapat notification yang BM class was canceled tonight. So, aku buat fiction pasal bebudak ni.

Starring:

Saba

Said

Dila

Jai

Ana

It was a beautiful afternoon. The sun was shining brightly overhead, there was a cool breeze, and the only clouds in the sky were the fluffy ones that looked like giant cotton balls fresh out of the bag. It was the perfect day to play in Dila's awesome new sandbox, as had apparently been decided when Saba, Jai, Said, and Ana all appeared on the doorstep of her house and proceeded to drag her to her backyard.

"You guys better not leave me to clean everything up like last time." Dila glared at her four friends as they all ignored her and tumbled into the sandy pit.

"What game should we play?" Jai asked as she dove headfirst into a particularly tall mound of sand.

"Follow the leader!" Said answered immediately. "I'll be the leader!" And no one protested because Said was always the leader.

"I'll play!" Saba jumped up and flailed her arms about for no reason. "Dila, are you playing too?"

Dila glanced up from her corner of the sandbox and pointed to the pail in her hands, then at the growing mound of sand in front of her. "No. I'm using the sand to sculpt Michelangelo's David."

"Who's David?" Saba blinked at her with wide, curious eyes.

Dila heaved a long, exaggerated sigh and decided she wouldn't even grace that with an answer. They were stupid. They were all stupid.

"I LOVE follow the leader!" said Jai, "I'll play, Saba!"

"Jai can't play!" Ana said, and stuck her tongue out at Jai's offended expression.

"Why not??"

"Because you're stupid and slow and we always have to wait for you. So you don't get to play!"

"But that's not fair!" Jai whined. She crossed her arms and collapsed onto the sandy floor, glaring her feet. It was true that she sometimes lagged behind, but she wasn't that slow! Stupid Ana! Ana was just jealous of how cute and perfect she was.

Jai took out the black crayon that she always kept in her pocket and drew on the wooden ledge that made up the border of the sandbox.

"Eukyangkyangkyang," Jai snickered as she looked over her artwork. One day, she would show them all. One day...

Said jumped onto the wooden border, then turned back to the other two. "Hop on one leg twenty times without falling!"

Said started hopping. Ana and Saba jumped up next to her and did the same.

"Saba, you have to raise your knee up higher," Said said, feeling very leader-like whenever she gave out orders like this.

Saba raised her arm.

"No, Saba, I said to raise your knee!"

"I AM raising my knee!!" Saba stretched her hand as far up as she could.

Said stopped hopping and the other two stopped with her. "Sorry Saba, but you're out. You raised your arm when I told you to raise your knee."

"...But isn't my knee on my arm?" Saba asked innocently. Ana and Said stared at her blankly.

".......No, Saba. Your knee is on your leg." Said pointed to it. Saba looked back and forth between her elbow and her knee, eyes widening as realization dawned on her.

"SABA DOESN'T KNOW WHAT A KNEE IS!!" Ana burst into hysterics, falling off the ledge and rolling around with laughter on the sand.

"B-but but... but I... but," Saba pouted and her loosely balled fists shot up to her chin, "But Said, they look so SIMILAR!" Saba looked at Said with impossibly big, teary eyes.

Uh oh, Said thought. "Saba," she said gently, "It's okay. It's just a game. We can play something else."

Saba stared dejectedly at the ground. "It's okay, Said. You don't have to stop playing just 'cause of me." But she continued to sniffle pitifully, and Said's little heart melted at the sight.

"Okay, Saba," Said said with a defeated sigh.

"Okay what?" Saba asked and added an extra sniffle for good measure.

"Okay, I'll let you back in the game."

Saba brightened up so suspiciously fast that it was almost as if she hadn't even been sad in the first place. "SAID!♥" Saba yelled as she launched herself at the other girl and tackled her onto the sand.

"Saba...can't...breathe..." Said gasped as she slowly suffocated under the crushing weight of Saba's hug.

Ana snickered from where she sat a few feet away. "Saba likes Said! Saba likes Said! Saba and Said sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-"

Saba pushed Said away from her so fast that the wind was knocked out of her for a second time.

"I do not! Said's a GIRL!"

"And Saba is a BOY! A boy who likes Said!"

Saba growled and immediately gave chase. Ana ran away just as quickly while chanting, "Boyish Saba likes Said!"

"Ana," Said said once she could breathe again, "You should say sorry before Saba beats you up again-" But before she could finish her sentence, it was already too late.

Jai looked up from where she was writing DIE ANA DIE on the wood to see that very same girl running towards her with a PO'd Saba close behind. And she was suddenly struck with a brilliant idea: she stuck her leg out.

"JAI WTF!!!" Ana screamed as she crash-landed onto the torso of David. Saba leapt onto her back, effectively pinning Ana as hit her on the head over and over.

"My masterwork!" Dila yelled indignantly. She threw her pail dangerously close to Ana's much-abused head. "Now I'll never be a famous artist!"

Dila huffed as she watched Saba slap Ana into submission and promised to herself that she would never ever ever ever let her friends come within a one-mile radius of her house again.

When Saba brings a batch of homemade cookies the next weekend, that promise is mysteriously forgotten.

~THE END~

I Give Up.For Good.

Aku tak tahu nak buat apa.
Tapi aku tak suka perasaan ni.
Serius, baru-baru ni aku dah start heal balik.
Aku cuba untuk lebih rapat ngan budak-budak ni.
Walaupun aku tak suka keluar bilik,
aku cuba.
Sebab bila ada dengan diorang,
aku lupa pasal KITA.

Lepas tu,
DIA muncul.
Buat masa ni dia cuma an insignificant person.
Someone who I see as ACQUAINTANCE.
No more, no less.
But it could get more.
Sebab walaupun ni agak mengarut,drastik,cubaan mencari musibah (bak kata Jai),
if being with him means I can forget you,
then I'll do it.

Sebab hari ni,
aku nampak,
betapa tak bermaknanya aku dalam mata kau.
Aku tahu kau tahu apa aku nak (apa aku mengarut ni)
tapi kau still buat-buat senyap.

Dila pernah tanya,
"kenapa tak gitau je ada orang nak kat kau?"
dan aku jawab,
"sebab aku tau jawapan dia apa."
Kau akan cakap SEMUANYA PILIHAN AKU.
Kalau aku nampak dia lagi BAIK dari kau,
aku patut pilih dia.
Tapi kau tahu tak REASON kenapa aku patut bagitahu kau?
Sebab aku nak kau fight untuk aku.
Bukan leave everything for me to choose!!
Saba cakap tak payah kejar orang yang takkan fight untuk kau.
Aku tau,aku faham.
Tapi sayang buat aku buta,pekak,bodoh.
Dan hari ni aku nampak yang sayang aku takde makna dah untuk kau,kan?

Aku takut nak bagitau Amir pasal benda ni.
Sebab aku tahu dia akan marah.

Jadi,
hari ni,
aku dah buat conclusion.
AKU BETUL-BETUL GIVE UP.

This will be the last time I cry for you, for us.

Kenapah??KENAPAH???

Siot jek..
aku betul-betul ingat balik raya dengan Amir.
Tadi dapat info dia balik 3 minggu lepas raya.
HABIS,KAU BERAYA KAT KL KE??
Mana aci!!
You've promised!!!!
Lagi,aku ingat dia akan stay kat Kelantan at least for 2 weeks.
Kalu camtu aku ada orang teman time aku PBS nanti.
But he HAD to come back AFTER RAYA,right???
Wuwuwuwuwu,...
Piza..piza...PIZA....

bilakah aku dapat menjamah korang dengan menggunakan duit Amir??

Princess Princess vs TeniMyu

I was just scrolling my old DVDs back.
And I found one of my precious possessions.
This drama.

up(from left):Mikoto,Yuujirou,Otoya,Tooru,Arisada

below(from left):THREE DARK PRINCESSES,Sakamoto-sama

small pics:I don't know them

And it just occurred to me.

The one playing Mikoto was KENKEN!!!
It's THIS GUY!!!

I was like "kyaaaaa~~"ing when I found out..

And the guy playing Arisada was Ooshitari!!!!

OOSHITARI YUUSHI!!!

who knows that THIS guy 

and THIS guy is the same person??

I've had enough with Takumi Saito playing Noel (and he's also Ooshitari) but now I have to see that he is PRESIDENT ARISADA???

I mean like...MIKOTO is SHISHIDO!!!

THE Shishido who is the doubles partner of Choutaroh!!

I so wish Koji Date was there and watch Kenken wears women outfit!!!!

But lets not forget our 3rd TeniMyu cast;

Osamu Adachi!!

a.k.a 2nd Generation KIKUMARU EIJI!!

As Sakamoto Akira!!!

Let's see him as Kikumaru!

you're not athletic as others,but you are still one of the Kikumarus

Aaaand him as Sakamoto Akira!!

I was SURPRISED.

I was literally surprised.

Because I've purchased PRINCESS PRINCESS D before I knew TeniMyu.

So it wasn't occurred to me that Sakamoto,Arisada-buchou and Mikoto already knew each other BEFORE the drama was made.

And they sing,dance alongside each other.

Especially Mikoto and Arisada-buchou (0f course, they're OOSHITARI and SHISHIDO,duh!)

I miss TeniMyu.

I don't particularly care about the others but KENKEN!!!KENKEN in frilly outfits!!!DATE KOJI COME SEE THIS!!!!!!

princesses in live version and anime version~

Da Heck dude..

It's not like I wanted you to bring the Earth and planet Pluto together.
I just wanted an answer!

Do you really love me?
Do you WANT me?
Do you think we can overcome the obstacles??

If you say "no" to any of those answers,
It's okay.
Because Bonda told me,
that means we're just not meant to be together.
And that I just should give up on you, on us.

Where do we stand?
Do you see a future for us?
Can we live a happy life?
Just give me an answer and I can have the courage to move on.

I just want you to talk to me,
Give me your word.
If you want me, or if you don't,
Just  give the answer to me straightforwardly.
Please.

I'll be truthful.
There is a guy wanting me to be his.
I don't know what to answer.
Because,
1)I still frickin' love you
2)I don't  know where we stand

I don't know whether I'm single or taken.
Should I feel good because someone likes me?
Or should I feel like I'm cheating on my lover?
I don't know what our situation is.
Why are you doing this to both of us?
What is your objective??

I WISH...

I wish I could turn back time.
When we were still kids.
And I would tail you wherever you go.
Because then I would know,
No one would dare to hurt me,
Physically, mentally, and emotionally.

I don't care if you blocked the view of the world from my eyes,
Because I know you're protecting me,
Preventing me to cry ever again,
But it was me who ran away from your protection,
Because I THOUGHT I could be independent,
But now look at me,
Always come flailing at you,
All the times,
Always.