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A Secret(not so secret anymore) Interview With 嵐's Leader

Being A Leader

I-Interviewer
O-Ohno

I: How does it feel to be the leader of the idol group Arashi?
O: Leader is just a nickname, I don’t really act as one.
I: What?
O: They call me leader but I’m not doing any leading at all. I don’t do anything. Maybe Sho’s the leader, he leads.

Being an Arashi Member (cause he does not lead)

I: What do you think is the best part of being an Arashi member?
O: I get to meet them, I treasure my friends a lot.
I: But you treasure fishing right?
O: yes I do. Fishing takes out my stress, I can’t last a day without it.
I: hmm… And Ninomiya is addicted to gaming right? and magic too?
O: Uh, yes. But I thought this interview is about me?
I: It is. But if I were to give you a choice–a day with Nino but with no fishing or a day with fishing but no Nino? Which is it?
O: *speechless* W-What?
I: Fine, I’ll make it simple…Nino or fishing?
O: Wha-Why are you asking me?
I: Just please answer me.
O: Why?
I: Is it Nino?
O: No-Yes
I: Or fishing?
O: Yes-No
I: Please answer me. I’m not asking for a title of a song, duh.
O: Of course my–I mean Kazu, no I mean Nino.
I: thank you Ohno-san, I knew you’d choose Nino.
O: Huh?
I: Bye~

Hari Terbuka IPG KDRI and other..

Two words: BOOKS BOOTH!!!!

JPP anjur Hari Terbuka IPG KDRI starting tomorrow.
Dengar ura-ura banyak booth akan dibukak.
But my only aim is the books booth.
Harap-harap buku yang dijual kat booth tu best.
Because other than movies,
That particular typed words on papers is my absolute haven.

And about Phonology quiz.
I actually thought I would do better.
Maybe even enough to not to repeat.
But maybe I was mistaken.
I overlooked that papers,
And I overestimated my strength.

Hopefully dapat better marks if Madam Sar decided to let EVERYONE re-take the test.
Because if even Gijoe didn't make it into half,
Let alone ME.

I feel like I'm losing a friend and gaining a stalker.
I don't like that.
I don't like that at all.
I wasn't the one who messed up this friendship,
but I don't want to be the one to end it too.
I just don't want to feel guilty.

Oh, The Rain

Like snakes slithering, intertwined,
So are the constructs of my mind.
I wonder if ’twas by Divine design,
Or just the passage of Earth’s cruel time.

No matter the case, I must digress,
For I cannot think under such duress,
Nor contemplate mine own egress,
Into this dark pit of emptiness.

With so much stress and so much strain,
Whittling away at my wretched brain,
I wonder, will I be driven insane,
Left as a madman to laugh at the rain.

In my case, I must say I do believe,
That madness, to me, would be reprieve,
I would no longer need to grieve,
Over what i have failed to achieve.

Or mourn the loss of innocence,
In each and every happenstance,
No matter what the circumstance,
I detest this grim and loathsome dance.

If only life were not so dastardly,
In its dizzying attempts at mastery,
Perhaps there would not be such casualties,
Or such deviation from old formalities.

There’s naught I can do about this pain,
Save my writing in this refrain,
To spread worldwide the deep disdain,
Of this old madman, laughing at the rain.

Ya Allah
aku lalai
aku banyak habiskan air mata untuk duniawi
aku banyak berfikir untuk cinta diri dari cinta hakiki
aku tak sedar
aku akan balik jadi tanah jugak nanti
aku cuma boleh berdoa
semua ujian yang Kau beri ni
untuk ajar aku jadi hamba yang taat
anak yang solehah
kakak yang bertanggungjawab

aku tipu aku tipu aku tipu.

aku tak boleh senyum depan kau.

aku tak boleh buat apa-apa pun depan kau.

ego aku yang tinggi menggunung hancur bila berhadapan dengan kau.

aku tak boleh berhenti berharap yang aku akan balik semula dengan kau.

aku bodoh,aku tau.

Look
I'm trying my best here,
Although sometimes I feel like choking him,
Burn him alive,
Stick forks into his chest,
And other malevolent sentience I can think of,
But still,
I am SANE.
Sane enough not to do all of the above.
Well,
Poking him with a knife won't hurt much,
Would it?

But dear situation,
Please be on my side FOR ONCE,
Just this once.
I am not ready to be in a commitment,
Not yet.
I don't know when,
Maybe next month,
Next year,
It all depends on how long it takes for the wound to heal completely,
It's not in my control.

I don't want to be bothered by this petty thing called LOVE.
And absolutely not one of my bestfriends.
Why can't he be JUST MY BESTFRIEND?
Why ruin this friendship?
Stop looking at me like that,
It reminds me of my old self,
Because that's the same way I looked at HIM.

If you can't fulfill my wish.
I can't be your friend anymore.
I'm actually through with this thing.
So stop.
All of it.

I Love You,But.

I know what Ricchan wants.
I know.
But I'm incapable of falling in love for the time being.
It has THAT much of an impact on me.
I don't know when will I heal completely,
But for now,
I can't.
Anyone won't be.
Let alone ONE of my bestfriends.
Amir won't tell me his opinion on this.
And he wanted me to promise not to tell Ricchan that I told him that.
I don't understand his train of thoughts,
But I trust Amir.
Explicitly.

Ricchan,
Don't ruin our friendship.
Please.
Please.
Please.
I don't want to lose you.
Please understand my selfish request.
And I won't ask anything in return.
Just be my bestfriend,
Till the end.
Can you?

The Beginning of The End

It starts to wilt,
The stench smell burns,
The pain and the blood drip,
Until finally it turns.

Like an autumn leaves,
It became so hard to breathe,
Slowly and slowly it writhes,
Like an animal on leash.

Can someone help me,
Can someone set me free,
Can I finally be me,
To walk solemnly among the trees?

That wicked smile,
A pained expression,
Bring forth the cry,
A mournful procession.

When will this end,
To flee from this land,
A cold hurting heart,
Hoping for a new start.

WISHFUL THINKING..

If I don't get my hands on this backward mirror-faced watch, I won't buy meself ONE SINGLE WATCH TILL I DIE. Only, I want a wrist watch. Not a pocket watch. I particularly liked this kind of watch because it makes me feel like time is going backward rather than forward.

Sequel to Firelight. I so wants to know what happens after Tamra finally evolved, and Will being amnesiac and lost his memories of Jacinda.

I don't know if this 3rd series is the last one, but the release date is going to be on November 2012. And the movie will be on air~~!!!

Adinda will be so freaked out, knowing Stephenie Meyer's The Host will come out as a movie. Only we didn't recognize any of those actors. I hope it'll come out as good as the book.

The last book I ever so wanted is... I don't remember it's title. I once saw it in POPULAR in KB Mall, read its synopsis and was a little tempted. But I remember the cover. It was about a girl who was captured by zombies but they didn't harm her. All in all, she fell in love with one of the zombies. I'd like to see how it ends. The mortal and the undead. Not in vampire-cliche-ish way.

OH I REMEMBER, THE NOVEL'S NAME IS...... DEARLY DEPARTED BY LIA HABEL!!!

I always adored star-crossed lovers. I don't know that myself. Of course, I, wanted a normal love. I don't want to face obstacles or the sorts. I'm not THAT adventurous. But reading them, somehow, it makes me feel that, love overcome everything. Even death. No, not in NECROPHILIAC way, but still.. a little bit of imagination won't harm nobody, right?

I HOPE WHEN I GO TO BOOKSTORE IN THE NEAREST FUTURE, THE BOOKS I WANTED WILL BE THERE, WAITING FOR ME TO PURCHASE THEM.PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE~~!!

Do not judge me by what I do,
Judge me by what I write.
Because the words came from my heart.
Just because I laugh all the times,
Doesn't mean the laughter is true.
Sometimes you have to feign ignorance,
It's the only way to mask a wounded heart.

within him

Within him lies the darkness,
within him evil looms.
Within him lies your terror,
within him lies your tomb.

Within him lies your sadness,
if ever your are caught.
To spend all time in turmoil,
within his hellish thoughts.

His name contains no meaning,
for his name contains no words.
Within his is the abstract,
within him you will blur.

Within him you are nothing,
but the sum of all your fears.
Within him you’re no longer you,
for within him, you are his.

Telling lies won't hid the truth.

Faking smiles won't hid the tears.

You're as cold as one already dead.

Yesterday,
I was with your father.
He was not further away from me as you are now.
I went to sleep.
When I woke up,
I learned that,
In overnight,
Twelve years has passed.
And instead the only man I've ever loved,
There stood a girl with his eyes.
My heart is not cold.
It's broken.

Selene.

I thought I was capable of falling in love again.
Because that's what homo sapiens do.
They fell in love.
They fell out of love.
The cycle starts again.
Like a clockwork.

For a brief of time,
I was out of love.
And he came back.

And for a moment,
I thought,
"I might fall in love with him again,"
And I wanted to.

But then again,
I realized,
No.

It's not love.
I wasn't falling in love,
I was lonely.
I was sad.
I was desperate.

Because when I think deeper,
It came to me.
My heart is not cold, it's broken.
I don't think I can fix it anymore.
It's beyond repair.

I've done caring.
I've done believing.
I've done loving.

But I can't stop feeling hurt.
My heart,
It feels like someone blows an air balloon inside my lungs,
It compress my heart,
I can't breathe,
My chest feels tight.

Somehow,
I feel like I'm losing a friend.
It's because I was selfish.
It's because I was afraid.

Why can't they understand?
Why can't I be frivolous?
Why?
Why?
Why?

I don't think I can survive this.
Everything seems impossible.
In love,
In exam,
In assignments,
In life.

"It's a test,
It's a test,
It's a test"
I keep reminding myself,
But in the end,
I feel worthless,
Useless,
Incapable of doing anything,
But whine,
Fakes smiles and laughs,
Because like Ricchan said,
"Laugh at your problems,
And you'll find a solution out of it",
But up until now,
I just laugh,
And my heart cries,
Cause that's the best medicine I have,
It's a temporary painkiller,
Before I feel all numb,
Before I realize,
In the end,
It doesn't change a thing.

I still cry myself to sleep.

I don't want to whine anymore,
But sometimes,
It goes out naturally,
Maybe I'm a whiner?
I don't particularly care,
But I don't think I can survive this.

I tried to cooperate.
I'll try harder if they want me to.
I don't want to be a nuisance.

I just hope everything ends.
Please end this.
End all of it.
Please.
Please.
Please.

I don't like it.

I don't like THEM.

Waddaheck dude??!!!!

Oh God Oh Dear God WHY CAN'T THEY JUST DIE DIE DIE??!!!!

Why Did I Fell In Love With Him, Again?

He sighed.

Turning to his right, there were Sho and Aiba browsing the internet,giggled stupidly.
Turning to his left, MatsuJun was humming their latest song, Face Down and struggled with Sho's rap parts.

He sighed. I'm so bored.

Then, he heard a faint music somewhere in the hotel room. His was supposedly to be shared with Aiba, but Nino didn't approved it (Sho also,but he didn't shows it on his face),so he bribed Aiba in giving him his latest video game, which was a successful attempt. But as always, the five of them stays in one room, because it felt awkward, and lonely without any one of them. They were together for 25 years since their junior years, after all.

He searched lazily for that faint sound, and found Nino on veranda, playing his latest PSP.

Woke up from his bed, he walked toward Nino unconditionally. It's always like that. Whenever he can't detect Nino's presence, he would feel....anxious.

Outside at the veranda, he sat quietly beside Nino, who was still immersed in his Mario Cart game.

Nino was always like this.

Selfish.
Childish.
Doesn't pay attention to literally ANYTHING if he's playing games.

A complete opposite of himself.

So why did he fell in love with this bratty prince, Ninomiya Kazunari, again?

He sighed.

Nino stole a glance from the corner of his eyes and see him yawned in boredom.
He puts down his treasured PSP and reached for his Leader's pair of cold hands(because of the air-conditioner) and rubbed them to make them warm, pulling to his cheeks.

"Is something bothering you?" Nino asked him.

"I was just thinking..."

"About what?"

"Why did I fell in love with you?"

Nino laughed softly. Ahh, he's so cute. I can't stop teasing him.

"Well, wasn't it obvious? I am FABULOUS,REMARKABLE and any other great adjectives you can think of."

Hearing Nino's reply, he chuckled.

Nino held his face tenderly, his warm hands just melted his cold cheeks and Nino kissed his forehead before he can even blink.

"Is there a reason to fall in love,Oh-chan?"

No, there is not.

author's note:my obsession is still not over. Mada mada dane!!

He's My Boyfriend

author's note:Been watching OhMiya SK lately.Non-stop.So I can't help myself.

Ninomiya Kazunari is my boyfriend.
"Stop touching my butt in front of others!" Ohno finally bursts out to Nino after they finished their program Arashi ni Shiyagare. Sho who was tailing them since he saw their Riida being more silent than usual, rolls his eyes.

"Why not?It's fun~" Nino singsong, not caring that Ohno is mad. He didn't understand, he touches Ohno's butt since 8 years ago in front of many,many viewers and Ohno never complain or even against it, but why now?

"I don't like it." Ohno mumbles slowly, but it didn't escaped Nino's ears.

"If you don't like it, why tell me now? Why didn't you told me when I first touched it?" This time, Nino bursts out too. Sho, being the smartest of all, ran to Aiba and MatsuJun. He doesn't want to be in the middle of lover's spat.

"It's different now. We used to do it as fan services and passing it as jokes,but...." Ohno's voice trails off. Nino, watching the small guy blushes in pink, had an evil idea in his head. He scooted closer to Ohno, closer,  closer, until Ohno realized he was being cornered by Nino at the end of the room. There was no escape.

"But what,Sa..to..shi?" Nino whispered softly into Ohno's red ear.

"You're my boyfriend now.It's different." Ohno mumbles.

Smirking at the elder's remarks, Nino pulled Ohno's slender waist into a hug and put his head on Ohno's shoulder.

"That's why I'm showing to the world you're MINE. All mine." He said with a relieved sigh.Ohno, who was red with delight and embarrassment replied Nino's hug with his pair of hands on Nino's shoulder.

"Really?"

"Really really."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In the other room, the three members were already dozed off because they were too scared to enter the other room because an exhausted Ninomiya is a scary Ninomiya. Plus he already declared that no one can see Ohno naked except for him.

Those Dream Places

Vladimir Town,Russia.
Furano,Hokkaido,Japan.
Italy,Rome.
Makkah.

I want to see the architectures.
I want to see the poppy field.
I want to set foot at Trevi Fountain.
I want to perform hajj.

世界の終わり

Hiding the truth in my moping thoughts,
I think of you who had been snatched away by darkness,
Dozy eyes and closed hearts,
Paint a blue moon that floats above the chaos.

At the place surrounded by flowers in full bloom,
I continue to search for frozen time.

My dear friend,
My friend that I have lost,
This place is the very end of the land of our promises.

Sekai no Owari
~The End of the World~

Hinageshi hatake (poppy field)

A brilliant female is superior than other females on this Earth.
But when she faces a heartbreak,
She's as pathetic as any other females.

Wallowing in self-pity,
Self-disgust,
Sadness,
Darkness,
Tears,
Regrets,
Awkwardness,
Lies,
Evasion...

I need to get up.
Face it.
Forget.
Start anew.
Live.

Up until now,
I still can't.

When the pale flower petals shook

And quietly landed

The little wind that carries the season

Has passed through me

The sunlight that increased in strength

Tells me of a new era

I wanted to stop the time that is definitely flowing

And closed my eyes

I hear it from far away

The sound of laughter that I’ve grown used to

People who ran past with me

Won’t be here from tomorrow on

It seems from my heart that it’s great we’d met

The tender days zip past my chest and disappear

Because I can’t seem to say “congratulations” no matter what

I’ll let it ride on the wind from here and softly murmur it to you

I’ve lived without knowing

That I have this kind of feelings

But the calm and fun times

Changed me little by little

The passionate thoughts toward strength

That started to sprout on that day

Even now, with unchanging intensity

I’m aiming towards the heights

While embracing everything

That you’ve taught me

The beginning will be there soon

I’ll live in our era

It seems from my heart that it’s great we’d met

I burn your kind smile into me so that I won’t forget about it

Because I see your face and I can’t seem to say “thank you”

I murmured it faintly and softly in the court

A Scary Thought

A scary thought,

Like a crumbled fort,

A feeling that was blocked,

Until the heartbeat stopped.

When the pace slows down,

When all I have is frown,

Take everything piece by piece,

Until I can no longer breathe.

See a masked smile,

Watch a pretended laugh,

That was part of the lie,

To bear the days in rough.

That small heart of glass,

Fragile yet untouched,

How can I expect it to last,

When you smashed it harsh?

Kalau macam ni lah tahap tak bersyukur tu, aku pun tak terkata apa-apa dah. aku letih melayan KKP,aku takde masa nak pikir bende lain.kami ni diberi tugasan untuk jadik benteng depan anak-anak,kenapa institusi masih tak puas hati?rasa dengki ke sebab kami dapat elaun?sebab kami tak perlu bayar PTPTN?ingat kami ni belajar saja-saja ke?bukan salah IPG kalau ramai budak pilih untuk jadi cikgu.aku semakin rasa yang dalam nak maju sangat,pemikiran orang kat Malaysia ni dah semakin mundur.banyak sgt rely kat tenet kot,buat eseimen pun copy paste je,bila masa nak berfikir?kalau nak buang kitorang macam budak-budak lepasan kolej tu,kenapa bazirkan masa 5tahun kitorang kat sini?kenapa nak bazirkan duit cukai rakyat kalau tak kasi kitorang berkhidmat?

aku pening.

Habit

Amir,Icchan and Ricchan told me to change my "habits".
"Learn musical instruments"
"Go jogging, you're getting flabby lately"
"Stop being an introvert"
they told me.

Drawing,
Writing,
Composing poems,
Reading,
It's not habits.
It's something I do all the time.
Like breathing.
I don't like it.
No one LIKES to breathe, they HAVE to.
It's not something I can change.
I'm sorry guys.
And even though today is Amir's birthday,
the answer is still "no",
because the reason I do what I do,
is not for mere fun.
it's for my survival,
it's for my sanity.

Sometimes, all I ever wanted is to stand under a school building on a rainy day with a beloved.
We would say nothing,
but the silence is a bliss,
and just enjoy each others' company.

Normal and Boring.

"Reckon no matter how you choose to live, there'll always be things you regret, and there'll always be things you gain from it, but right now, leaving you is not an option" - Kusakabe Hikaru, Doukyuusei.

"You're here, that's all that matters" - Sajou Rihito, Doukyuusei.

Shards of memory with a brilliant radiance,
In a round of seasons,
Two boys' hearts are changing,
They grow mature by accepting all of each other,
Spring has come.

Asumiko Nakamura, Sotsugyousei.

The books made by same author, Asumiko Nakamura-sensei, are Doukyusei, its sequel, Sotsugyousei and the spin-off, Sora to Hara. I've always read things like this, but never encountered such dull and boring storyline, but the author came back to basics where love is innocent and pure in high schools. The plot was slow, and readers can feel the spirit of bittersweet youth that tickles us from inside and leaves our fingers shaking. Thinking, "aaah, I wanted to feel like this also.."

Doukyuusei, first season.

Sotsugyousei, second season.

Sotsugyousei, third season. Graduation.

Sora to Hara, spin-off where it revolves around Hara-sensei aka Seku-Hara and Sorano, a new student.

The drawings aren't too expressive, simple, and not dramatic at all. It's a story of steps in being adults, which everyone experience in life. It's beautiful as it is.

A complex fool and a simplex fool.

How they complete each other.

Pitter Patter

Pitter patter, on the pane,
Pitter patter, once again,
Pitter patter, how I strain,
Pitter patter, but no rain.

What so does tread my halls,
Humming low with crooning calls,
Succubae or hellish thralls,
Why for do they tread my halls?

No creak yet disturbs this floor,
No shadows flit beneath the door,
My breath will hold no second more,
Content they seem for now with her.

So frail and failed the loosened cry,
Harsh and drawn the deadened thud,
And now nil remains but I,
A lowly pawn amidst the blood.

Dull crunches fill my coward’s ears
As all I love is torn asunder,
What use have I for earthly fears
What frightens now in rolling thunder.

Pray I the stairs avoid their gaze,
I pray my whimpers pass them by,
Pray I no lust in recess lays,
For further flesh… pray I.

My ears await the hollow sound,
Of plodding steps upon the stairs,
the keyhole and my eye are bound,
I utter nought but silent prayers.

Creaks clamour along the flight,
Hauling darkness shewn in hell,
Wan and ashen, twisted blights,
Shuffle and scratch before my cell.

Tattered snouts snort the air,
Yellowed nails like daggers scrape,
Bloodied teeth gnash and bare,
in wretched maws wide agape.

One is like a dream I’ve known,
turned nightmarish in the gloom,
Blonde locks, like clumps are sewn,
A mere mockery of her boon.

Is that my love, no, no more.
But a glint betrays her band,
I know each mark, and every score,
For I placed it on her hand.

I think my walls home no more,
Im borne beyond in dogged fear,
A grubby note slips through the door,
“I miss you, do you miss me dear?”

How To Re-start Your Life

I am a novice.
An amateur in life.
I live in my parents' love and protection.
I never knew the meaning of being hurt,hurting people,
And mostly,
I don't know how to handle pain in life.

Their protection wall was too great,
To sum it up,
I have a brother-like bestfriend,
Who always shadow me from the society,
Because he was afraid I couldn't survive.

That was Amir.

Ricchan is different.

He won't give me fish if I'm hungry,
He will hand me a fish net and say,
"Catch your own fish".

I don't know how to handle most of my problems,
Because all I do is run away,
most of the time.

Amir knows me more than I know myself,
But Ricchan is the same as I am,
He knows how to handle problems.

"Smile"
"Laugh"
"Change your hobbies"
"Change your routine"

Because he's Ricchan.
Because he's my bestfriend too.

I thank you God for giving them to me.

In our reflection of our BIG yesterday,
what she said stabbed me in the heart,
Figuratively, not literally.
Coz if it was  true,
I'd be dead,
and she'd be in jail.

Jokes apart,
she said we shouldn't whine in our lives,
because there are people who are far less fortunate than us,
and these parent-less children,
are children who are chosen to go to Jannah.

Not that I whine about going to Rumah Tunas Harapan Darul Hilmi,
it's about something else.
Something that I can't control.
And I don't remember if I always whine,
But secretly I just hope things would be different.
Does that even count as whining?

You tell me.

Disillusioned

I tried to give up.
On being scared what community sees what I am.
But sometimes I tend to care.

Allah SWT was testing me,
that I know.
And Alhamdulillah,
With the help of friends and relatives,
I'm regaining my conscious,
bit by bit.

What about that feeling?
I am trying to let it go,
but world doesn't revolves around me.
I know that.

I just hope,
Wishing one day,
A man come and doesn't  judge me,
by the way I look,
by how I behave,
by what I write,
by my everyday speeches,
by my group of peers,
and accept me the way I am.
Like my family,
like my friends.

They know me more than I know myself,
and didn't reject me.

People who knows me by appearance,
will tend to feel illusion-ed,
and when they know me by heart,
they will back off.

That is why I don't want to be in society.
They will judge.
No escape for any of us humans.

My Last Word to You,Cariad.

Kalau awak masih baca blog saya,
tolong berhenti.
Berhenti terus.
Sebab mulai sekarang saya dah tak nak peduli apa-apa lagi.
Like my sister said,
I'm going back to my oblivious attitude.
Because that attitude keep me survive in this world.

What you do,
what you think,
who you're with,
every little thing that keeps me reminding about you,
I'll toss it away.

It's not easy,
It won't heal in the coming future,
But I'll learn.
I'll learn to let go.
I'll learn to forgive.
Because my heart wasn't able to forgive you right now.
And I won't forget.

Your presence gave an impact THAT much in my life.

I know you're not like other guys.
You will feel guilty if you see me unhappy because of your decision.
My original plan was to be as sad as I can be,
Just because I was mad,frustrated,and sad.
But it wasn't worth it.

I blamed both of us in our breakups.
I blamed myself for wasn't being selfish and told you to hold on.
I blamed you for being uncertain.

"Live in regret" is what I want to tell you.
But if I'd really to open my mouth and tell it forward to you,
the words will be "Be happy."

How stupid can I be,right?

I can't even write about it.
I can just let the memory of THIS DAY be etched into this blog,
So I will remember how it felt,
When you heard that ringing in your ears,
The sound of your heartbeat slows down,
Your head starts spinning,
And all you want is just die.

WHY CAN'T I BE MORE SELFISH AND TELL HIM TO HOLD ON??

Nowhere feels safe, or remotely peaceful anymore.
Here,there, it's all the same.
There is no place for me to go back to..
I really want to start a new life,
Far far away from Malaysia,
Just me,
And hopefully no one will ever find me.

DRUM ROLLS

Since Aten put our pics as her cover photo in Facebook,
lots and lots of her friends added me.
I wonder,
"Does a face really counts?"
I mean, when I didn't use my own pic as DP,
No one gives a damn.

But everyone is like that.
Looks are important nowadays.
I just hope I see someone like Umi see Abah.

My Abah,
is not a handsome man (I admit that),
But he is a man who InsyaAllah can bring his family to Jannah.

Putting that aside,
during SBE..
OH GOOOD~!!!
MOMMMM!!!
She literally "shows me off" during my ONE WEEK in SK SS3~!!
That is so embarrassing...
Hoyoyo...=___________=lll

*I need to roll in my blanket and pretend I'm in a deserted bookstore*

Today

I'm scared.
I'm scared of the outcome.
But I'm too tired to run away anymore.
Let's just settle this once and for all.
Because I'm done with crying myself to sleep,
for a person I know who doesn't care.

"It will be okay,"
"It will be fine,"
are the lies I tell myself,
and I'm a good liar,
So I hope my heart and brain will accept that lies.

It's just too mortifying,
Knowing that maybe,
Just maybe,
my future won't involve him,
and I don't know whether I can take it,
Because I just realized,
He was the first guy I truly loved.

But the fate isn't mine to write.