Disillusioned

I tried to give up.
On being scared what community sees what I am.
But sometimes I tend to care.

Allah SWT was testing me,
that I know.
And Alhamdulillah,
With the help of friends and relatives,
I'm regaining my conscious,
bit by bit.

What about that feeling?
I am trying to let it go,
but world doesn't revolves around me.
I know that.

I just hope,
Wishing one day,
A man come and doesn't  judge me,
by the way I look,
by how I behave,
by what I write,
by my everyday speeches,
by my group of peers,
and accept me the way I am.
Like my family,
like my friends.

They know me more than I know myself,
and didn't reject me.

People who knows me by appearance,
will tend to feel illusion-ed,
and when they know me by heart,
they will back off.

That is why I don't want to be in society.
They will judge.
No escape for any of us humans.