Today

I'm scared.
I'm scared of the outcome.
But I'm too tired to run away anymore.
Let's just settle this once and for all.
Because I'm done with crying myself to sleep,
for a person I know who doesn't care.

"It will be okay,"
"It will be fine,"
are the lies I tell myself,
and I'm a good liar,
So I hope my heart and brain will accept that lies.

It's just too mortifying,
Knowing that maybe,
Just maybe,
my future won't involve him,
and I don't know whether I can take it,
Because I just realized,
He was the first guy I truly loved.

But the fate isn't mine to write.