Incapability Of Doing Something EVERYONE Could.

My biggest mistake,
And my utter weakness,
Is incapable of telling the truth.

I say I love someone when I don't know my own feelings.
I say I am fine when the tests showed I am not.
I refused medical helps because I lied to myself everything is peachy.

I want to be normal.

I want to be like most girls,
They are boring but they are happy,
They can blend in because society thinks its their nature,
Whether gossiping, 
Obsessing about handsome actors,
Falling in love with the same guy even after many years,
Repeating the same routine,
Typical girls.

"You are not the same because you are unique."

I don't want to be unique if it costs me my mental health,
Maybe I don't want those poorly structured traits of girls,
But at least spare me my sanity.

And sometimes,
Most of the times,
I think I am incapable of loving someone.
I think deeply,
Probably because of the damned past,
But then,
I cannot blame the universe,
Because the universe were trying to teach me something.
I blame everything,
Everyone,
When the core of the problem lies within me.

Within my mind.

They say it is not because I am incapable of being in love,
It is just I haven't found the person I could fell utterly,
Hopelessly in love yet.
But somehow,
I feel like I rein my mind in from opening up,
Because apparently trusting people is not a good thing in my mind.

I tell myself day and night,
It doesn't matter,
It will come one day.
One day.
But even if it did,
How many seconds, minutes, hours, weeks, months, years,
Would it stand?
What if my very existence,
Was so that I could hurt people?

I destroy everything within 10 meter radius.