Reap What You Sow

"Think deeply and clearly about this matter.
Only you and that person knows what you both want."

How do I think deeply when I don't even know what to think?

The only thing I know is that I am the troublemaker in this matter.

I am the villain.
The bad guy.

So I have to think about the other person's feelings.
Mine doesn't matter.
Because I was the one who create this problem.
What I want,
Or what I feel,
I have to lock it and throw it away,
Deeply into the abyss.

"There are many factors.
It can be the chemistry.
You don't have the chemistry."

No, love.
It doesn't matter anymore what the factors are.
The deed is done.

"Then what do you want to do to solve this problem?"

Do what I always do.
Run away for a couple of days.
And come back with a bang.
Cruel honesty.
And the other party will decide what they want.
Because their needs and desires matters the most.
Because I was the core problem.
I create this mess.
I have to abide by their rules.
Their ending.

Sometimes I just wants to cuddle up to Amir and Ricchan,
And cry into their shoulders.
Because I feel like I am the lowest of the low.
The person that should be erased from this Earth.

Why do I even exist?
To create chaos?
To hurt people who loves me?

"End this, Velvet."
"It's yours to settle."
"What do you expect the ending will be?"
"Didn't I always teach you to expect the unexpected?"
"I knew I should never let you roam around mindlessly. 
Insinuating yourself into other people's hearts."
"There is no easy way out. Whether you hurt the other party NOW, 
Or you hurt them LATER. 
You are being selfish, Vet."

I know.
That is why I am reaping what I sow.

She is a little fish that is being pulled by the current and only can follow the flow.
She should know better.
Serves her right.