The Returners

I don't know where I am going.
I'm walking unsteadily down the street,
Bumping into lamp posts.
No, walking into them.

I need the crash,
Need to feel the pain.

Inhumane.

I know what the word means now.

It means me.
It defines me.
I am evil.
I am the boogeyman children are so afraid of.

I stop dead.
It wasn't me.
It wasn't me who...

Was it?

I fall to my knees.
I cannot cry;
I can only groan silently,
My stomach full of bile.

I am in the middle of the road.
But it's late - there are no cars.
I pull my knees into my chest and I rock slowly.
I am crumbling.
There is nothing to hold me together,
Not anymore.

I rock back and forth.
If I rock hard enough,
I will cease to exist.
If I rock hard enough,
Everything will stop.