Of Disorders

There are only too much the body and the mind could take.

I'm still thinking about it.
What would happen when my mind and my body gives out.
Would I become violent,
And be put in straitjacket?
Or would I be admitted to where they say a place better for me?

Every thought is a battle. 
Every breath is a war.
And I don't think I'm winning anymore.

I'm still keeping tracks of the muddy steps that I've erased.
I am not my illness.
My illness is a part of me.
Except you cannot outrun insanity,
Anymore than you can outrun your own shadow.

I'm not crazy,
I'm stark raving sane.
I don't want this anymore.
I'm 22 and I'm already exhausted.

It was almost like a reverse nightmare,
Like when you wake up from a nightmare and you felt so relieved,
I woke up into a nightmare.