I've installed Japanese words into my laptop.
Still an amateur in Hiragana and Katakana,but improving,bit by bit.
The title says "ore no sutoori" means "my story".
I used "ore" instead of "atashi" because I like to use male-pronoun on myself.
It became a habit.
And I'm not exactly feminine either.
I thought people accept me of being not-so-feminine.
Apparently HE doesn't.
Well,...this is a part of me that I can't change.I don't want to.
So it is inevitable, for parting.
I was ready for it,anyway.
Adinda said most of my relationships didn't last long because I was ready to get dumped or to dump people.
And that I was afraid of commitments.
After the "FIRST INCIDENT".
Lately,I am super addicted to TeniMyu.
But I can't download any other tenimyus,because of the stupid broadband.
I haven't updated any of my yaoi mangas also.
Because I vowed,not to browse any yaoi websites until I come back to IPG.
Frankly, although I can say I study there for almost 2 years now, I DON'T LIKE THAT PLACE.
I DON'T WANT TO GO THERE. I HATE IT. I LOATHE IT.
I have three worlds,that I create.
ONE- the world wich EVERYONE exists.
TWO-the world where only Amir,Ricchan,An-chan,Kan-chan and myself exist.
THREE-the world where Adinda and I exist.
Adinda and I are pretty close.
Okay,not PRETTY close, TOO close.
Sisters that share common interests are usual,but I don't think I can survive without her.And she me.
Seriously.
I have a person that I can talk Japanese freely,and one that understand me, see through my lies.
And normal sisters are usually ENVY each other.
But we don't actually HAVE something to be envied about.
I like what she doesn't,and she likes what I don't.
For examples,guys.
And we are connected to things we should be connected,like same interests.
So we almost DOESN'T fight at all.
The 2nd world is pretty much bigger than my world with Adinda.
Because it consists 5 people.
And between those 5 people, there will always be PAIRS.
Not like lovers or something of the sort,..I mean,I CAN'T imagine An-chan and Amir coupling.
They're GUYS,for the sake of love that is too holy!!
And I am the only girl.
Not that they notice,anyway.
Hahahaha.
PAIRS here means we all are bestfriends, but there are something not EVERYONE in the group can know, or even understand.
Like,I tell Amir everything, but it doesn't mean the others knew about it.
Like that kinda shit.
But still,I feel comfortable,safe,and importantly, I'm being MYSELF when I'm with them.
I don't need to pretend to satisfy their image of me being a GIRL.
And the 3rd world;where EVERYBODY exists, is the place where I----
CONSTANTLY LIE.
CONSTANTLY PRETEND.
CONSTANTLY BEING THE GOODY-GOODY PERSON
and CONSTANTLY BEING THE ULTIMATE JERK.
I don't know why, but I seem to CAN'T be myself.
Maybe that is the reason why I hate people.
I hate being in the crowd.
But it's not PEOPLE's fault.
It was me.I just...don't like people.
MY STORY.
me?
a normal,boring human?
what story do I have?
Nothing.nil.nada.
No comments:
Post a Comment