Waddaheck am I Doing..??

Semalam aku mimpi Dila beranak.
Dan dari mimpi tu,came an idea to write a fanfiction about PREGNANCY~~~!!!
p/s:I'm kinda in the middle of a fever right now, so everything I do and write is completely out of my consciousness.


TITLE: JAEJOONG PREGNANTS, YUNHO FAINTS
pairing: Youngwoong Jaejoong x U-Know Yunho

Catastrophe or Not?

WHAT?!?!

A high-pitched scream, not unlike the one emitted by a banshee on loudspeakers, rang throughout the entire area of the hospital. It jolted patients and nurses alike out of their respective wet dreams.

“WHAT?!?!” Again, Yunho all but howled.

Mildly irritated, the doctor whispered to the nurse at his side, “Even a ferret on steroids doesn’t make this much noise.”

The nurse nodded vigorously, her ears still ringing from the deafening, frantic shriek of the leader of Dong Bang Shin Ki.

Putting on a professional face, poker face having been perfected ages ago, the doctor said, “Yes, Mr. Jung.  You heard right the first, oh I don’t know, 28 times. Mr. Kim is, indeed, pregnant with your child.”

“You mean Jaejoong is pregnant?” Yunho tried to breathe deeply. It was no use, he was hyperventilating.

The doctor patiently answered a plaintive and tired yes.

“Jaejoong is pregnant... WITH MY CHILD?” Yunho was past the point of panic, he was actually beyond hysterics.

The doctor actually took a step back, wary of the crazed look in the singer’s eyes. “Yes, Mr. Jung. With your child.”

“But… Jaejoong… male… pregnant… my child. Male…Pregnant… with my child. Pregnant…” And just like that, Yunho crumpled to the ground.

With pity in his eyes, the doctor called for someone to bring smelling salts.

In the background, people were taking pictures frantically. It wasn’t everyday that you see the masculine leader of Dong Bang Shin Ki fall to the ground in a dead faint.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Hyung, hyung.”

Yunho dazedly tried to make sense of the voice calling out to him. It sounded like Changmin.

Opening his heavy eyelids, Yunho jerked his body upright into a sitting position.

Wrong decision.

Groaning, he clutched his head and said, “God, my head hurts like fucking hell. Must be because of the weird dream I just had.”

A pause rang out in the room. Yoochun, Junsu and Changmin all glanced at one another in worry.

Snorting, Yunho continued. “Would you get this? I dreamt that your Jaejoong-hyung was pregnant. With my child, no less. I mean, seriously. Jaejoong, pregnant? He’s a fucking guy. Even if we do fuck like crazy, there’s no way that he can get pregnant. That’s simply impossible. Such a weird dream. I’m glad I woke up when I did.”

Junsu, Changmin and Yoochun looked at one another with dread deeply entrenched on their faces. 

No one wanted to speak.

Yunho, a little bit bewildered with his dongsaengs reactions, asked, “Why are you all so quiet?”

Yunho directed this question to Junsu, fully expecting the other to answer but the dolphin boy only looked on helplessly. He didn’t want to be the one who burst the pretty bubble of Yunho. He was sure that the resulting scene wouldn’t be at all pretty and Junsu liked to keep things pretty, between shiny and sparkly that is. Naturally, he decided that Yoochun would answer it for him. His lover has never failed him before.

A light smile now curving his lips, Junsu beamed at Yoochun expectantly. Yoochun gulped nervously and opened his mouth to speak. The other three appeared to be hanging onto every single possible word that he may utter.

“Ahem, ahem.” Yoochun tried out first, causing Changmin to raise an eyebrow, Junsu to scrunch his face cutely and Yunho to lean forward on his bed excitedly.

Again, Yoochun went, “Ahem, ahem.” He always had a flair for the dramatics.

Impatiently, Yunho muttered. “Oh yes, I’m getting something from the ahem ahem’s. Want to know what the message I’m getting is? I’m getting AHEM AHEM. Fucking enlightening, don’t you think?”

“Ahehhe,” Yoochun giggled nervously and in a fit of nervous breath, said, “Hyung, Changmin will answer your question.”

“Oooooh,” Junsu uttered, “Wise decision. I knew there was a reason why I love you.”

“Yeah, better his ass than mine.” Yoochun said and then added stealthily to Junsu, “I don’t want to be castrated, I need it to fuck your delicious ass.” With that, he reached a hand and clutched the ever famous kamo butt, eliciting a gorgeous blush and a strangled yelp from Junsu.

Throwing a dirty look at Yoochun and Junsu, presently involved in a compromisingly delectable situation, Changmin muttered to himself, “They always make me do the dirty work.”

Facing the inevitable, Changmin took a deep breath and gathered all the considerable courage he had. “Yunho-hyung, that wasn’t a dream at all.”

“W-hat?”

Junsu, taking pity on their dongsaeng, stepped in at that moment, “Hyung, it was no dream. Jaejoong-hyung is pregnant… with your child.”

For the second time that day, Jung Yunho fainted.

Sighing, Yoochun reached a hand to poke Yunho’s cheek. “How are we supposed to tell him how it happened if he keeps fainting on us?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yunho blearily opened his eyes for the third time that day – once when he woke up, second when he fainted and now. The first sight his startled eyes met was the comically worried faces of his dongsaengs. All three of them were peering over him, worry etched on their faces and that started Yunho on his laughing spree.

“Oh no,” Junsu wailed unhappily, “I think all that shock has made Yunho-hyung insane. Who’s going to take care of Jaejoong-hyung and their baby?”

Yoochun was hanging onto every word that his lover was saying, whilst Yunho continued laughing and Changmin merely rolled his eyes at the overwhelming insanity that pervaded the room.

A determined look suddenly pilfered Junsu’s features and he struck a triumphant pose, his left arm raised towards the sky and said, “Don’t worry, Jaejoong-hyung! I’ll help you take care of the baby. Even with Yunho-hyung gone to the deepest ends of the earth, Su-su ah is still here. Don’t fret.”

A dreamy sigh left Yoochun’s lips, hero worship clearly seen in his eyes, “Oh Junsu, my hero.”

Junsu started to flex his non-existent muscles, causing Yoochun to sigh once more and Changmin to utter, his eyes raised to the heavens, “I’m surrounded by bumbling idiots. Help me, O Merciful God.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jaejoong came to his senses slowly, at a lost at what he was doing in an irritatingly white room, with white pillows, white walls, even white flowers. The last thing he remembered was dancing to the beat of Purple Line and then, the next was overwhelming black.

First black, then white. What next? Pink?

He attempted to sit up, only to be pushed back by the gentle, gnarled hands of an old nurse, who, lo and behold, was wearing a pink uniform.

God was out to get him today; he just had no idea how much.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After five mind-numbing minutes of Junsu flexing his imaginary muscles, Yoochun repeatedly

sighing over him and Yunho continuously laughing like the maniac we all know he is deep inside, Changmin finally put his foot down, figuratively, of course, not literally, it was already down anyway.

“Junsu-hyung,” Changmin began patiently, “no matter how many times you flex your tiny muscles, they won’t grow any bigger at all.”

Junsu dropped his arm in dismay.

Changmin, sadistically satisfied with the outcome, turned his fearful acid tongue towards the resident crybaby of the group. “Yoochun-hyung, can you please wipe the disgusting saliva currently flowing down your chin? There are reporters outside and I’m sure you don’t want your fans to see you like this.”

Yoochun’s hand moved faster than you could say “yunjae.”

Changmin’s lips lifted in a perfect semblance of sardonic smirk and turned his attentions to the still laughing maniacally Yunho.

Disinterestedly, Changmin uttered to Yunho, “Hyung, Jaejoong-hyung once told me that he disliked men who had a sort of maniac laugh, one wherein their noses scrunched up not so cutely and their eyes rolled to the back of their heads.” Chanmin let a few moments of silence ring out first (who said Yoochun was the only one with a taste for dramatics?) and then delivered the perfect coup de grace, “Oh, have I ever mentioned that you’re laughing like that right now?”

Yunho started to cough violently, like something big and terrible had gotten stuck in his throat. Maybe it was the evilness that Changmin seemed to be emanating at the moment. He truly was a fearful sight, though still sexy.

Actually, that, in itself, was scary.

Yunho, finally getting his wits back around him, muttered silently, “You’re horrible, Min. Just horrible.”

Smirking in a very condescending way, Changmin clapped his hands in delight and said, “Now that you’re all back from the land of the insane and the not-so-pretty –”

A choked sob escaped from Junsu’s mouth, his hands tightening in fists, clutching Yoochun closer to him.

“There, there.” Yoochun gently patted his lover on the back, sending a scalding look towards Changmin’s direction. “You’ll always be pretty to me, Su-ah.”

Hiccuping, Junsu turned watery eyes on Yoochun and uttered in an entirely pitiable manner, “You promise?”

“Oh, for the love of God!” Changmin exclaimed, frustration now staining his normally amused face. “Can you both get a grip? We still need to tell Yunho-hyung our wonderful news, remember?”

At the mention of ‘wonderful news,’ all the colour drained from Yunho’s face and he frantically scrambled to an upright position, pressing his back deep into the headboard, almost as if he could ward all the bad things away by doing so.  “I DON’T WANT TO HEAR ANYMORE OF THIS LUDICROUS IDEA THAT YOUR JAEJOONG-HYUNG IS PREGNANT.”

Calmly, Changmin professed. “Hyung, he is pregnant. Apparently…”

He was cut off from his pleasantly going explanation by a bouncy Junsu, “Apparently, Jaejoong-hyung has a very, very, very rare condition called Itallowsamaletohaveababyandthisisnotconsideredweirdbythesciencecommunitybutindeedveryacceptableandnormalcitis. It came about through the interaction of genetics and the environment. He had already been carrying the gene of Itallowsamaletohaveababyandthisisnotconsideredweirdbythesciencecommunitybutindeedveryacceptableandnormalcitis, but it was only through his continuous exposure to the female species that the gene was triggered into action.”

Yoochun muttered to himself at this point, “I always knew having 9 sisters was a bad idea.”

Changmin ignored the man talking to himself (“At least you’re still sane,” Changmin tells himself consolingly) and peers at Junsu suspiciously. “That sounded terribly like what the doctor said to us awhile ago.”

“Hehe,” Junsu said, a light blush covering his cheeks, “I kind of copied down everything the doctor said ‘cause I thought it was charismatic and all. Reading it makes me charismatic too, right?”

Changmin let out a groan full of woe. Sometimes, he felt like he was the oldest out of all of them.

Turning to the still-pressed-to-the-headboard-Yunho, Changmin said, “So yes, hyung. We’re not kidding. Jaejoong-hyung is pregnant because of the –”

Junsu popped up once again, “Itallowsamaletohaveababyandthisisnotconsideredweirdbythesciencecommunitybutindeedveryacceptableandnormalcitis. It’s so much fun to say that.” Junsu excitedly muttered.

Changmin rolled his eyes once again. By the way things were going, his eyeballs will probably end up permanently etched on the other side of his eyelids.

It was at this moment that Yunho started on his inevitable fall to fainting.

“Oh no you don’t.” Changmin determinedly slapped Yunho’s face, making the smooth pale skin on the leader’s cheeks bright red. “I’m not the one explaining to Jaejoong-hyung. You’re the one who’s going to tell him that he’s pregnant, pregnant with your child.”

Cold beads of sweat started to drip down Yunho’s face abundantly.

Outside, a flash of lighting flickered on sinisterly, a foreshadowing of the doom that was about to come.

It had never been a good idea, much less a safe or sane one, to tell a pregnant male that he was pregnant.

Some would say it was downright suicide.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Apparently, the post is too large. Damn.

A mournful procession of the Dong Bang boys, minus one, could be seen proceeding in the hall leading to the room of the member that is the cause of the minus one.

Yunho jarred to a frantic stop, turning pleading and woeful eyes on their youngest. “Changmin-ah, please. You know how your Jaejoong-hyung gets. Please…”

A sadistic smile curved the sensuous lips of the youngest and he said firmly and gleefully, “No can do, hyung. Now, get going.”

Junsu let out a whimper, whispering to Yoochun, “He gets scarier and scarier as he grows older and older. I’m scared, Chunnie-ah.”

Yoochun bit back his own threatening-to-spill-whimper, he has to be strong for his Su su-ah, and said with mock courage, “Don’t worry, baby. I’ll protect you if there comes a day that Changmin grows uncontrollable.”

“Oh Chunnie, I so very much love you.”

“You two there, move faster.” Changmin all but snarled.

“Eeeepp.” Junsu and Yoochun both said at the same time and then, started to move immediately.

Watching the progress of the Dong Bang train, Changmin let a satisfied smile take over his face. “Life is good.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yunho opened the door to Jaejoong’s suite with a frantic cry to the good God above that may his lover, his pregnant lover, be asleep.

Apparently, Yunho’s good God was the one sleeping or rather, pretending to be asleep.

Jaejoong’s cry of ‘Yunnie-ah’ rang out in the room upon the opening of the door. His delight at seeing his lover was clearly heard by everyone in the entire floor his hospital room was situated at.

The same doctor who commented that Yunho was louder than a ferret on steroids muttered to himself, “Perhaps it runs in the family. I have to check this out,” and promptly walked out of the operating room, muttering things about genes, autosomal recessive diseases and vocal chords.

“Poor doctor. Only one day with Dong Bang Shin Ki and he’s already lost all his marbles.” A nurse muttered to a nearby colleague.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yunho approached the bed calmly, trying to placate his too fast beating heart. The sooner he got this over with, the better. Jaejoong loves him, right? The lead singer couldn’t possibly kill him.

“Yunnie-ah, where have you been? I woke up all alone in this white room, all alone. I didn’t know where I was.” Jaejoong pouted cutely, still unaware of the life-changing bomb Yunho was about to drop in his lap.

“Ah yeah, about that.” Yunho started, praying to all the Gods that Jaejoong’s love for him would stand strong in the face of this turbulent news.

“Hhhhmmm, what about it?” Jaejoong asked, curiosity now fully piqued because of the distress that Yunho seemed to be emanating in waves.

“Darling, baby, mo chroi, my only one, habibi, querida, koibito, minamahal ko, a chumann, sweetheart, the holder of my heart, the light that fills up…” Yunho began hopefully.

Jaejoong sat up slightly, turning to peer at Yunho suspiciously. “You’re never this sweet unless you did something wrong. Spill it.”

“Oh Jaejoong, you know I love you, right?” Yunho started to say but was cut off by the knee-shaking glare Jaejoong sent his way.

“Okay, okay.” Yunho breathed deeply and then, blast off. “The doctor said that you’re pregnant because you have a very, very, very rare condition called Itallowsamaletohaveababyandthisisnotconsideredweirdbythesciencecommunitybutindeedveryacceptableandnormalcitis. It came about through the interaction of genetics and the environment. You have already been carrying the gene of Itallowsamaletohaveababyandthisisnotconsideredweirdbythesciencecommunitybutindeedveryacceptableandnormalcitis, but it was only through your continuous exposure to the female species that the gene was triggered into action.”

Yunho squeezed his eyes shut and mentally readied himself for the slaughter of his beautiful

body.

A long moment of silence stretched out.

Yunho asked himself, “Is it over? Am I dead? Has Jaejoong become such an expert that I didn’t even feel any pain?”

Yunho tentatively opened his eyes and was met by blinding white. He cried out, “Am I in heaven?!”

And then something that sounded terribly like Junsu’s laugh rang out in the room, “Eu-kyang-kyang!”

In a voice full of woe and despair, Yunho said, “I’m not dead yet, am I?”

“No, hyung. You’re not. Sadly.” Changmin answered Yunho’s question for him.

Yunho sent a glare towards Changmin’s direction and then turned his gaze on his beloved Jaejoong.

His Jaejoong was staring out into space with glazed eyes and tenderly, unconsciously, rubbing his stomach.

Yunho’s heart melted into a delicious pile of goo at the lovely sight.

Jaejoong chose that moment to fix his shining gaze on Yunho. “I’m pregnant? With your child?”

Yunho nodded gingerly, at a lost at the unpredictable reaction Jaejoong would give upon hearing the surprising and shocking news.

Tears started to brim in Jaejoong’s eyes and he ducked his head down, trying to hide the fall of tears on his face.

Yunho reacted instantly, moving to clutch his lover to his form. He made cooing sounds of comfort, whispering into Jaejoong’s hair, “Everything will be alright, baby. We’ll get through this. I’m sorry, Jaejoong.”

Jaejoong hit Yunho on the chest forcibly, pushing him back. With tears streaming down his face, Jaejoong asked Yunho, “What are you sorry for?”

Yunho answered, tone placating, “It was my insistence to not use a condom that landed us here. I’m sorry, baby.”

“You dork. You’re such a dork. Don’t you understand?” Jaejoong asked despairingly.

“Understand what?” Sometimes, most of the time, Yunho couldn’t follow Jaejoong’s train of thought at all.

No one could really blame him.

“I’ve always wanted to have your baby, Yunho. It was all I’ve ever wanted, to give you your heir. To give you the son you so deserve. I hated myself because I couldn’t give that to you and now, now. I’m pregnant with your child, Yunho. Nothing could make me happier. It was all I’ve ever wanted.” Jaejoong uttered, his cheeks red, his eyes bright with love for the unborn child inside of him and the one who had given him that wonderful gift.

Comprehension dawned on Yunho and with that came an outpouring of love. He tenderly wrapped his arms around Jaejoong and said, “I love you, you know that, right?”

In the background, Changmin made a gagging sound while behind him, Yoochun was getting ready to hit him with a plastic chair, which, unsurprisingly, was white.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~